Bread and butter · Uncategorized

Scars

They say time heals all wounds. Maybe. I have some interesting scars. My father passed away over a year ago, while the freshness of the pain has gone, I am still left with a lingering emptiness. Every time that I remember that he is not here and never will be here again, it is like a mini electric shock. I can be driving along, planning what I am going to do  for the day and I remember that I won’t be able to tell him and I feel sad all over again. The grieving process has been complicated for me. Near the end, things between me and my father were good but only because I made them so. Near the end, the family pressure and the  tragedy of the situation meant that it was the only thing I could do but it affected my ability to grieve properly for a long time. I sometimes wonder if the anger protected me but I am not sure. All I know is that only now I am feeling the true loss and deep sorrow. My father was relatively young by today’s standards, so to not have him here in this part of my/our lives hurts.  Everyday I am realising that he was truly an amazing person. I can see the sacrifices that he made in his life that have allowed us to live the lives we currently live. I value his wisdom and honesty more than even now. He was right about most things. We may not have seen eye to eye but he was my father and I was his daughter and that bond would always be unbroken. Indeed it was until the end, he died in my arms. At the time, I just could not believe it. Now, I think it was one of the most merciful things that could have happened, I hope he knows that I/we were there for him right until the end. So I/we soldier on as best as we can. I hope Daddy is out there watching, caring and protecting us in this new place as he did when he was with us.

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One thought on “Scars

  1. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable such as this, about your dad and your relationship to him. It sounds like everything has truly come to effect you now, and perhaps everything you’re feeling now is for the best in the long run? I wish you peace from Above. Hoping you feel grace within the sorrow and pace.

    Liked by 1 person

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