They say time heals all wounds. Maybe. I have some interesting scars. My father passed away over a year ago, while the freshness of the pain has gone, I am still left with a lingering emptiness. Every time that I remember that he is not here and never will be here again, it is like a mini electric shock. I can be driving along, planning what I am going to do for the day and I remember that I won’t be able to tell him and I feel sad all over again. The grieving process has been complicated for me. Near the end, things between me and my father were good but only because I made them so. Near the end, the family pressure and the tragedy of the situation meant that it was the only thing I could do but it affected my ability to grieve properly for a long time. I sometimes wonder if the anger protected me but I am not sure. All I know is that only now I am feeling the true loss and deep sorrow. My father was relatively young by today’s standards, so to not have him here in this part of my/our lives hurts. Everyday I am realising that he was truly an amazing person. I can see the sacrifices that he made in his life that have allowed us to live the lives we currently live. I value his wisdom and honesty more than even now. He was right about most things. We may not have seen eye to eye but he was my father and I was his daughter and that bond would always be unbroken. Indeed it was until the end, he died in my arms. At the time, I just could not believe it. Now, I think it was one of the most merciful things that could have happened, I hope he knows that I/we were there for him right until the end. So I/we soldier on as best as we can. I hope Daddy is out there watching, caring and protecting us in this new place as he did when he was with us.