Bread and butter

Connection

We made a connection

A full on chemical reaction

Ash – Shining Light

These lyrics where the first thing that came to mind when a read the word ‘connection’. Which have very little connection to what I am about to write about…!

Quality not quantity.

It seems like the connections that I have with people decreased over time. I never did have a hugh amount of friends but my social activity has significantly dwindled. I am looking at my wedding guest list and I notice that there are more relatives and friends of my mother’s than friends of mine. Does that mean that I am ‘billy no mates’ – maybe – maybe not. I do not know. But it seems that there were only a friends that I wanted to share this day with – friends that have known me for over 20 years and have been through the highs and lows with me and me with them. They are few and far between – the inner circle is small and select.

The other connection that I think about is that with God. This connection has taken a battering over the past few years. Losing a loved one – could have had the potential to make that connection stronger, to restore faith. But for me I am not in that place yet. It would feel and it does feel – disingenuous to ‘carry on as normal’. I am hurt, angry and upset about unanswered prayers but also wise enough to know that God answers the prayers that I did not make. I know that God provided blessings, mercy and grace in ways in which that I yet to understand and appreciate but one day I will truly rejoice. I guess I am still healing from the hurt and the pain and I know that God still holds me in the palm of His hand, I know that He will not leave or forsake me despite my current feelings. I know that He is waiting for me to find my way back to Him and His patience has no end. I know the door is open. I know I will get there of my own free will. Time time time.

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